Pick Me! Pick Me!

"Pick me, pick me", I exclaimed excitedly as we approached the RBT (DUI) stop ahead. Slowing down in anticipation of a stern finger point to the kerb, I looked over to my wife who had a bemused look on her face, she uttered just one word.

"Nutter."

"I hope they ask me when I had my last drink.. 'yes sir, years ago..' haha".

Darn, not today as they waved us on. Genuinely disappointed I motored past the stop observing other motorists going through the "breatho" drill.

I could picture them breaking out in a sweat as they mentally tallied their lunchtime drinks, hoping their breath wouldn't give them away or wondering how many did they really have last night before nipping down the shop to grab a junk food hangover cure or all those other anxiety inducing thoughts that run through ones mind when your blood alcohol level is a bit dicey.

I know because during my drinking years I had a foreboding subliminal fear of the RBT station, always lurking in my subconscious, waiting to increase my anxiety if there was a hint of alcohol in my system. If I was driving somewhere after a family gathering or returning from a restaurant I would carefully limit my intake beforehand to remain under the legal limit.

But I could never be sure I was.

Then one day, about six months into my first alcohol free journey, I drove past an RBT station on the opposite side of the road, waiting for a hapless victim.

As the RBT station shrank in the rear view mirror, I had this overwhelming feeling of relief and FREEDOM as the words formed in my mind..

"I DON'T have to be SCARED anymore"

Weird, but true, it was a watershed moment for me, no parting of the clouds with sunbeams streaming or rainbows arcing across a sodden sky.. no, just those simple words "I don't have to be scared anymore" and utter relief.

I was FREE.

I was on the right track.

The unexpected blessing in this experience was I finally understood that I had the power to be free of fear and anxiety. It was a beautiful moment of realization that through taking control of my drinking, I could take control of my life and be free of the things that held me back.

What's holding you back?